The List of Lasts

Years ago, I read a newspaper article entitled (I believe) “The List of Lasts.”   The article recently popped into my mind as I navigate a time of great transition.  I find myself in a reflective mood even as I simultaneously move forward and embrace the changes occurring in and around me . . . growing, aging, achieving, failing, wellness, illness, abundance, scarcity, etc.

I’ve searched online for the original article without success, so I’m just going to share with you through my own post what I remember to be the essence of it.

Basically, the writer spoke about how (as we move through life) we aren’t aware of experiencing something for the last time until we’re much further down the road.

Here are a few of my lasts I am remembering today and would love to experience again knowing it would (again) be my last time:

• receiving a coherent and relevant piece of advice from my mom prior to her being consumed by the fog of dementia
• hugging my father goodbye days before he died suddenly and unexpectedly
• being adoringly looked at through the youthful and exuberant (now grown up) eyes of my nieces as Super Auntie
• riding an amusement park ride with reckless abandon without fearfully wondering if I would make it safely to the end
• snuggling with my sister in her bed on a sleepless Christmas eve, looking out of her window at the brightly colored Christmas lights hanging from our house’s eaves and excitedly waiting for Christmas day to dawn
• savoring a meal without evaluating its potential impact on my health
• falling asleep in the car and waking up later cozy in my bed after being carried there by one of my parents
• taking a roll of pictures, waiting to get them back and actually feeling grateful when finding a few keepers in the stack (and tearing up or laughing at the rest!)
• excitedly waiting to greet someone as they arrive at an airport gate rather than patiently driving around in circles past a person in an orange vest with a loud, incessant whistle until I receive a call on my cell phone that they have their bags and are on their way out
• pondering a question for an unknown length of time and being satisfied with possible answers instead of instantly searching Google to satisfy my curiosity
• picking a bundle of dandelions on the way home from school and proudly presenting them to my mom
• swimming in the ocean without being certain a shark was going to attack me
• playing outside an entire summer day until my mom hung out our front door and rang the “brass school bell” to call me in for dinner

Oh my gosh, I could do this all day!  Since I have more work to do, I’ll stop for now.  I’m  certain you get the idea.  These were seemingly insignificant moments then that I long to experience and soak up with intention just once more today.

So my question for you today is:  if you knew in each moment it might be the “last” moment for that specific experience, would you treasure it more?  Given where I stand in my life today and the perspective it (and my coaches training) inherently brings, I find myself making more space in my day to contemplate the sweetness of the ordinary moments.

I invite you to share some of your “lasts” with me.  I also encourage you to bring a discerning eye to your day and enjoy the ordinary, fleeting moments you may someday long to relive.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

“Angry Birds” + “Words with Friends” = Angry Friends?

I am teetering precariously on the edge of staying disciplined amidst my complete infatuation and enjoyment of technology vs. allowing my life to get swallowed up by it. I wrote about how I was (and still am) infatuated with my iPhone and the multitude of apps available on it including the incredibly popular and addictive “Angry Birds” and “Words with Friends.”

While this passion serves me well in many ways by supporting me in being more productive, informed and efficient ( as well as creating opportunities for sheer fun), I do remain mindful of monitoring my usage carefully. Why? Because I am acutely aware of how this shiny toy and all the irresistible apps can be a HUGE stealth time stealer.

For example, someone dear to me recently invited me to play “”Words with Friends” with her. I initially resisted. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to connect with her rather I could see the potential pitfalls of being lured into the abyss. When I recognized that her life with kids in high school and college and a husband who travels has created a new norm of communicating through her iPhone, I decided it might be the best way to keep in touch with her. So, I bit the bullet and agreed to play “Words with Friends” with her. It instantly became a way to keep in touch throughout the day as we bantered back and forth between moves.

Then, “it” happened! I was with my husband on a Friday evening at one of our favorite restaurants. We were chatting about our week and planning our weekend. In the background, I began hearing my iPhone or more specifically “Words with Friends” beckoning me. It began as a whisper then it kept getting louder. It eventually became impossible to ignore, so I picked up my phone and launched “Words with Friends” as we were paying our check.

As we drove home, I continued to work on my next move as she invited me to play a second, simultaneous match. I became completely unaware at times that I was with my husband. When we arrived home, he got settled in downstairs for a relaxing evening together. Twenty minutes later I was still standing upstairs at my nightstand (where I intended to plug my phone in) working on my first move in the second game. I was growing increasingly anxious and annoyed that I couldn’t snap out of it . . . which made me even more of both because I choose to live in a way that minimizes both.

In a couple of days and only a few games my worst fear had come true. I was sacrificing what I value (meaningful connection) for what I loathe (random meaningless connection) and simultaneously being incredibly inconsiderate to my husband. So, I turned off my phone and, with a sigh of relief, joined him downstairs. You think I would have learned my lesson months earlier about app addiction when she turned me onto “Angry Birds” which eventually also required a self-intervention!

The next day, I emailed my “Words with Friends” partner. I told her I was resigning on both games, and I was going to take the stolen moments (“It only takes a few minutes to play,” she had told me at the beginning) that easily and quickly add up to an hour or more each day and put them toward all the things I “don’t seem to have time for” such as walking, reading, etc. AND talking to her live on the phone. Although “Words with Friends” was connecting us, our conversation was surface banter about the game. Since then, I’ve called her and chatted live about what really matters (at least to me!).

This brings me to a broader perspective on how technology has permeated our lives and the way we interact with each other. I’ve had opportunities recently to spend time with people I care deeply about in what I thought was meaningful connection . . . until I realized their faces were aglow from the light of their iPhones. Technically, we were together yet each of them were in their separate worlds as they bombed a pig, played another word, perused Facebook and/or texted to someone somewhere else.

Today I heard about and then read an article in the NY Times that speaks to this in a slightly different way. What caught my eye specifically was when the writer, David Carr, talks about the “eroded fundamental human courtesies.” This, I believe, is at the core of my struggle. I care about you . . . I want to connect with you . . . let’s do it consciously and without distraction. Step away from the iPhone!

Honestly, as a Relationship Coach, beyond the inherent addiction to these apps/tools there’s a part of me that believes a lot of this distraction is an attempt (unconscious or conscious) to control and avoid discussing anything in-depth. I find it increasingly challenging to find people who are willing to stay in a conversation for longer than a nanosecond. Harmless, quick, random interaction seems more natural these days. Are meaningful extended conversations going the way of handwritten letters?

For now, my iPhone has a curfew (before dinner it is turned off and charged) and a few self-imposed rules (games are played when waiting vs. keeping my life waiting for games), so I can create time to call my friend, connect with my husband, read a book or just plain relax. For me, no “Angry Birds” + no “Words with Friends” = Happy Kathie!

How about you? Please share your thoughts as well as take part in my poll below.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

Shut up and take action!

I remember when I began building my coaching business in 2005.  I had lists of ideas and spent countless hours talking about what was possible.  I’ll do this and that and then this and finally that.  It all sounded great and yet I was immobilized to take action.  There are zillions of reasons why this happens to me and others including being a perfectionist, being a procrastinator, fear of failure, fear of success, etc.  It’s not my intention to delve into the reasons now.

My purpose today is to merely remind myself (and maybe you?) that at some point I got tired of hearing my voice sharing all its good ideas.  I was ready in so many ways to make things happen and yet I couldn’t seem to break the cycle of just talking about it.  So, I typed up a note with big red letters that read . . .

Shut up and take action!

. . . and I posted it right in front of my face at my desk.  I saw it all day, every day.  Like any affirmation (this one sounds more harsh than positive!), it started to seep into my psyche.  Soon, I began catching my thinking and shifting it into action.  Six years down the road I see that taking action helped me create my vision that I initially couldn’t stop talking about yet never would have happened without my action.

Why is this relevant today?  I recently celebrated another birthday, so I am in a reflective mood while also hungry to clarify my ongoing vision for myself.  When I turned 50 last year, I talked about all the things I’ve “always wanted to do.”  While some people call it a bucket list I prefer not to for few reasons that include it sounds a bit desperate and they often tend to focus on big ideas (travel to New Zealand type goals).  While I have lots of “big” goals I will accomplish, this was more about making a list of all those little things I’ve always wanted to do.

I began the year strong, then encountered  a few hiccups along the way that tried to take me off course, and ended up satisfied overall with the progress I’d made. For instance, I arrived bright and early at Yankee Stadium one morning last summer, so I could FINALLY see Monument Park.  Afterward, we visited Arthur Avenue where my husband and I dined on yummy Italian food and took home a hot, just out of the oven loaf of bread.  Later in the summer, I also finally made it to the New York Botanical Gardens.  Professionally, a product I developed (Caring Cards) was recently launched as well as a web site (Write to Thrive) to support others on their journey. I’ve talked about doing these things for years, and because I set my intention to stop talking (and thinking!) about them I made them happen! When excuses tried to sneak in I was able to push beyond them.

Here’s what I discovered over the past year.  I noticed it became less about feverishly checking things off my list and more about moving myself from “shut up and take action” to simply taking action!  Who knew I’d be creating new neural connections and giving myself a lesson in neuroplasticity?  By setting my intention to “do” rather than just “talk,” I enjoyed a lot of new adventures while also re-wiring brain.

We all know it’s important to have goals.  It’s even more important to do at least one thing each day that moves us toward them.  Every day . . . stop talking and start taking action . . . and you might just find yourself reaching goals you never imagined possible.

Which ultimately brings me back to . . . why today?  Well, you see, I set an intention last year to lose 50 pounds.  Ouch!  It pinches each time I openly acknowledge the obvious!  I didn’t and I’m tired of talking (and thinking!) about it.  While I did put many important pieces in place last year to support me in accomplishing it, I’m ready to move from laying the groundwork to making it happen.

This morning, as I was on the Pilates reformer and talking to my trainer, I said “I don’t want to talk about ‘it’ anymore. I’m going to shut up and take more action!” So, I’ve scheduled weekday workouts on my Google calendar.  This will motivate me to stay on track. If they don’t happen, I’m going to put DNH in front of them (for “did not happen”) rather than conveniently deleting them. In the notes field, I’ll put how great I felt afterward or my reason (and examine them for excuses!) for not doing it.  It will give me the opportunity to track my progress (just like a food journal does).

Today I embrace a lifestyle more in alignment with my healthy spirit which will refine my body and eventually re-wire my mind to eliminate this lifelong challenge from its memory.

How about you? What are you tired of talking about? What action are you ready to take today and every day until you realize your goal?

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

What’s so bad about feeling good?

Is it challenging for you to lean into happy?  Do you believe everything must be difficult?  Are you always waiting for the other shoe to drop?  If you said yes to any of those questions, congratulations . . . you’re human!  That said, it’s also important to know they’re merely self-limiting beliefs that can be adjusted with a “simple” shift in perspective.

Recently I’ve been working with a few clients who are on the threshold of breaking through to a “new normal” where joy and abundance await them.  They can taste it!  Yet each is paralyzed by the prospect of possibilities, so they hold on fiercely to what they know.  They feel more at home in the stuck place.  The dark place that validates their every fear.

I’ve told each of them the same thing.  I completely understand.  I know this place well.  I used to spend a lot of time there.  I now know it’s possible to live a life that is even more meaningful and fulfilling than I ever could have imagined.

I still remember when I took the leap of faith . . . literally.  It was nearly six years ago, and I was in coaches’ training.  For one coaching demonstration, the instructor asked me if I would be the coaching subject.  I agreed and found myself in front of nearly 30 of my peers.  The exact coaching technique is not as important as the end result, however I want to set the scene for you.

There’s a coaching process called “down the tube” and “up the tube.”  In essence from my perspective, the first is taking someone into their dark places and shining a flashlight to explore.  There may be strong emotions there that will try to derail them.  The latter is doing the same however taking them to the place of light to explore the possibilities.  An assumption can be made that down would be “bad” and up would be “fun.”

Which brings me back to my leap . . . near the end of the process of being taken “up the tube,” I found myself standing on a chair in front of the entire class.  There I stood for what seemed like an eternity.  I was weeping and shaking and paralyzed with fear.  What was terrifying me?  Good question!  My instructor was simply asking me to jump fearlessly into my bright future and embrace my gift and passion for coaching.  Sounds easy . . . yet I was absolutely immobilized.

I had overcome obstacles in my life that made me quite comfortable in the place of  darkness.  I had never, however, learned that I could walk into the light and realize any dream I dared to dream.

When I FINALLY took the leap off that chair . . . I felt like I was jumping the chasm of the Grand Canyon.  What gave me the courage to do it?  My peers had gotten out of their chairs and stood around me in a circle.  They encouraged me.  They believed in me.  They dared me to live my life to its fullest potential.  And so I jumped . . .

As I landed, they spontaneously began singing “Happy Birthday” to me.  In that moment, I knew my life had changed for ever.  They simultaneously honored me for releasing myself from my past and jumping into an inspiring future.  We cried and cheered together as they congratulated me on my courage.

Then, one of my peers said something that I still remember today.  He said, “If I had walked in here near the end of the demonstration, I would have thought you were ‘down the tube’ not ‘up the tube.”

And there you have it . . . to some of us “up the tube” can be just as scary and dark as “down the tube.”  I invite you to take a leap and see for yourself!  Trust me!!  Once you do you’ll discover there’s absolutely nothing bad about feeling good.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

A toast to your life!

Every day, I talk to people who look at life through the lens of either/or . . . right/wrong . . . good/bad . . . yes/no.  They believe there’s only one option and don’t recognize how they limit their choices.  They then completely surrender their feelings and energy to that one perspective which is often counterproductive and immobilizing.  It all points to the “is the glass half empty or half full?” perspective (the rhetorical question used to determine optimistic or pessimistic perspectives).

I spent most of my life seeing the world through the lens of half empty or full, too!  My coaches’ training helped me shift my beliefs in so many ways.  It continues to support me on a daily basis to evaluate and challenge my perspectives in service of creating a healthy, peaceful and satisfying life.  Recently, I came to the conclusion that the glass we all talk about is simultaneously BOTH half empty AND half full!

This is an incredibly liberating perspective!  When I am able to see the glass as both half full and half empty, it allows me to lean into and learn from the half empty and more fully enjoy the gifts within the half full.

I’m sharing a few personal stories that illustrate this point:

• I am losing my Mom to dementia.  Due to this and her mobility challenges, she now lives in a skilled nursing facility.  Half empty perspective: Dementia is an insidious disease.  Living in a nursing facility is not the option I would choose for my Mom.  Every time she sees me, she bursts into tears.  Half full perspective: The dementia allows her to remain completely in the present and wounds from her past have fallen away.  She is safe, loved and well tended to in the facility she lives in.  Her tears are ones of joy not desperation, and her huge smile let’s me know how grateful she is to see me.

• Immediately following my trip to CA in April, I experienced a sudden and potentially permanent hearing loss in my left ear.  Half empty perspective: Why me?  Would it have happened if I hadn’t gone to CA?  My life will never be the same.  Half full perspective: I’ve survived many other setbacks and always turned them into opportunities to thrive.   I treasure every moment of my trip with my family in CA, so I wouldn’t want to undo it.  I’m reminded to practice self-care and listen more intently to what my body is telling me (I’ll write more about this another time).

• A product I created several years ago will be launched very soon!  Half empty perspective: Why did it have to take so long?  Why is there so much red tape?  When will I finally reap the rewards?  Half full perspective: I always saw the bigger potential and patiently waited until a strategic partner materialized who could help me realize my expansive dream.  Taking the time now to dot all the “i”s and cross all the ‘t”s will ensure a smoother launch.  While I was waiting, I’ve focused on and expanded my other professional pursuits which will reap its own rewards.

As each of  the above unfolded, I embraced BOTH the half empty AND half full perspectives.  Allowing ALL my feelings to wash through me during these challenging situations without giving any one of them a “home” kept me in the present and grounded.  When I celebrate my Mom’s big juicy tears falling from her bright blue eyes instead of quickly turning away in sadness, I notice the huge smile just beneath them.  When I give thanks for my hearing that remains, it helps me focus on my blessings of good health.  When I surrender to the wave of excitement over the imminent launch of my product, I’m able to honor how much I’ve grown from the entire process.

The next time you’re willing to settle for half a glass , remember you have a choice to raise a full glass and toast your deliciously messy life!

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

California Dreamin’ Come True

I am still basking in the afterglow of two weeks spent with my sister, Joanie, and her family in California.  As a 50th birthday present, they sent me an airline ticket to come out for a visit.  Once I arrived, they proceeded to treat me like a Queen and it never stopped during my entire visit!

The timing was perfect!  I was spiraling down into old patterns/beliefs including “I’m in it alone” accompanied by “the sky is falling” and “ducks in a row syndrome.”  Sound familiar?  I’m sure you have your own patterns/beliefs that pop up when you’re vulnerable.  For me it’s a cumulative process.  A bit of residue gets stuck to my spirit each time I go through a challenging patch of life.  I’m typically able to notice it and clear it out before it builds up too much.  If I’m especially busy and not paying attention, I can find myself teetering dangerously between slowing down and plain old stuck.

Emerging from another New England winter with the promise of spring on the horizon, a change of scenery was the perfect remedy.  Although I knew it was just want I needed, my saboteur put up a good internal struggle.  I had many moments of “the timing couldn’t be worse” and “I couldn’t possibly leave now.”  In those moments, I heeded my own advice and remembered the world will keep spinning.

A nano-second after planting my feet firmly on California soil and receiving a very satisfying hug from my sister, I surrendered.  I was no longer a wife, daughter, caregiver, coach, Board member, etc.  I was just me . . . Kathie . . . nestled in a cozy, safe, nurturing nest.  My sister and I have “done our work” through the years to enable us to move past who we were and meet each other where we are in each moment (which is a journey and gift worthy of writing about in the future).

During my visit, we filled our days with activities based upon our intention of keeping most of them simple, free/low-cost and meaningful.  Honestly, the most memorable moments were indeed the simplest:  playing table hockey with my sister and laughing so hard we were crying, lingering at the dinner table and sharing family stories with my brother-in-law Dave and nieces, Caroline and Lizzy in the glow of the candlelight, walking in the mornings with my sister, having Caroline drive me for the first time now that she has her license, pubbing with Lizzy, etc.

They were aware I had created an “always wanted to do” list prior to my trip, so they lined up some activities to support me in checking off a few while I was there:

• Walk across the Golden Gate Bridge (#3): On a truly magnificent Friday, my sister and I drove to the bridge and parked on the Sausalito side.  We walked toward the San Fran side and then back.  I am not crazy about heights, so I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do it.  Well, we did it alright!  We chatted while walking, stopped to enjoy the view, looked over the side!, took pictures and walked 3.5 miles in the process.  I will never be able to look at the GGB again without remembering that special day spent with my sister.

• Learn how to shoot a bow and arrow (#4): This one surprised even me when I made my list.  I have no idea when/where I picked this one up, however I knew I just had to learn how to do it.  As luck would have it my brother-in-law, Dave, is an avid sportsman.  So, he set up a target, pulled out the beginner’s bow and arrow set the girls use, and took it upon himself to teach me.  After many less than stellar attempts (including arrows bouncing off the wall sideways rather than inserting themselves into the target) and conversations (what are you aiming at? are both eyes open? tilt the bow a bit!, keep you left arm out of the way!, etc.), I eventually honed in on the target and actually hit the bulls’ eye.  I promptly put down the equipment, took a picture, and went in to celebrate with a glass of wine.  No need to pressure myself to recreate perfection.  Truth be told, I was probably 10 feet away from it, but you’ve got to start somewhere.  Now that I have muscle memory, I am hopeful it will be easier to replicate in the future.

• Attend a professional hockey game (#5): The Olympics hooked me!  Fortunately for me, Joanie and Dave are rabid San Jose Shark fans.  They actually planned my trip around when the Sharks would be in town.  We followed their pre-game tradition and enjoyed a meal at Teske’s then headed off to see the Sharks!  I was delighted by the experience.  Adorable and atheletic young men fearlessly dart around an ice rink in an attempt to score a goal . . . at which point the crowd goes wild and a shark dangling overhead comes to life.  I am happy to say they won after a losing streak.  I, of course, attributed it to me being there and having painted my toenails teal earlier in the day (see below).

• Get a pedicure (#6): I’ve never indulged in this one.  I’ve always been curious, but it’s too easy to do it myself for free!!  Then I recently saw a women I know through a professional organization getting one at the local salon.  She had such a blissful look on her face, and I instantly knew I had to experience it for myself.  There’s a fabulous nail salon in my sister’s town so off went.  Seated side-by-side in magical chairs (heat, vibrate, rollers, cup holders, etc.), she treated me to the experience.  Ignorance was bliss.  Professional pedicures are definitely in my future.  It’s a mini-vacation and stress reducer that really is worth the cost.  I’ll spare you the picture I took of my toes to commemorate another first!

I could go on and on (“Peanut Butter” the well-behaved Chihuahua/Pug mix on my flight, the boisterous frog in my sister’s backyard, “Tootsie” the delightful French Bulldog who visited us outside Blush yogurt [delicious!!!],  the train whistle in the distance I can hear from her house, the fabulous dinners Dave cooked, a road trip to Santa Barbara with Joanie), however the world awaits us both.  I’ll close by admitting I briefly contemplated staying in CA forever.  Can you blame me?  It was wonderful being pampered.  I returned home refreshed and residue free and am happily back in the groove here in CT.

Whether it’s a real vacation or a mini one, look for opportunities to shake the residue off your spirit.  Who loves you enough to create a cozy, safe, nurturing nest just when you need it the most?  When you get the invitation, don’t hesitate to receive, surrender and enjoy!

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

P.S. I’ve checked off 6 of my “always wanted to do” list . . . only 44 more to go!

I’m cheating on my husband . . .

it’s true.  I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with my iPhone.  While my husband is a good man, my iPhone is definitely making him look bad these days.  It listens without interrupting, has an answer for any question I ask, never runs out of ways to entertain me, keeps things fresh and exciting . . . need I go on?

It all started several months ago.  I kept finding myself in the local AT&T store longingly caressing the newest iPhone.  My SmartPhone looked on in shock.  After one too many rendezvous, it finally decided to punish me by freezing up.  When it happened, I desperately searched online to see if there was a fix.  I quickly discovered the problem was commonly known as “the red light of death.”  I knew instantly that I was being punished for drooling over the iPhones.  My despair quickly turned into delight as I realized I now had an opportunity to ditch it and finally buy the object of my desire.  I do believe I got the last laugh!

Months later, I have grown even more infatuated with my iPhone.  My initial concerns over moving from a Windows SmartPhone have been replaced with the joy of using an intuitive and reliable iPhone.  I no longer change the channel when those snappy iPhone commercials come on out of sadness.  Now, I look on with excitement looking for new apps to download.

Speaking of which, here are some of my recent favorites (which are not necessarily for iPhones only!):

• Grocery iq – OMG!!  I just discovered this one this past weekend.  I know . . . how sexy can a grocery app be?  Well, let me tell you!!  Besides eliminating the option of ever leaving my list at home again, it allows me to scan items in my home using the camera.  It actually makes pulling together a list fun!

• Fitness Journal – I’ve been using this for years on my PC.  Now I can enter my workouts immediately following them.

• Awesome note – I have only begun to explore with this one.  It’s a more robust notes system.  So far, I like what I see!

• Dragon dictation – This records your spoken word and types it up which can then be emailed, etc.  Incredibly convenient and surprisingly  accurate.

• Google Voice Search – I use Google all the time, and this one makes it even easier.

• Scoops – My niece, Caroline, just introduced me to this one.  I almost wish she hadn’t!!  Warning:  this one IS addictive!  The great news is it’s calorie free.

• AroundMe and Yelp – Both of these make finding anything anywhere simple.

What I didn’t expect is how having an iPhone has also strengthened my discipline.  While it is a welcome tool that helps me stay organized and informed (and, of course, provides endless forms of entertainment), I try to use it judiciously.  It attempts to lure me with its siren song when I’ve tucked it in for the evening.  Most of the time, I can resist it.  I’ve found that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  When I reconnect with it in the morning, it’s bursting with excitement to share emails and news updates with me.  I hungrily read it all to see what I missed while I slept!

Most importantly, I’ve made a choice not to let it rule my life or distract me from the real live people in it.  Has your passion for technology turned into an obsession/addiction?  Does it create conflict in your life?  If so, remember you are at choice.  You, too, can strengthen your discipline muscle!

Oh, I forgot to mention that my husband now has an iPhone, too.  Thankfully, he has forgiven me for straying, since he is now equally smitten with his own.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

Did You Say Juggling?

I have ALWAYS wanted to (#2) juggle . . . well, at least my whole adult life I have.  In fact, more than 15 years ago I purchased a set of juggling balls with instructions.  I’m a hands on learner not an instruction manual reader.  So, from time to time, I would pick them up and play with them.  I would typically make it through one rotation then begin tossing too fast and/or too far away from my body and eventually give up.

I’ve recruited a couple of friends along the way to try to teach me, however I’ve never “mastered it.”  So, I decided to tackle this head on once and for all.

I called the NYC Trapeze School (also on my list of 50 and something I plan to do soon) and asked if they offered juggling lessons.  I was told they do but only for groups.  I explained my dilemma . . . I’m a Life & Relationship who is spending her 50th year fulfilling my “always want to dos” and juggling is one of them.  I asked if they knew someone I could hire to help me reach my goal.

I was, thankfully, put in touch with Michael Karas.  We exchanged emails and set a date and place to meet in NYC when I was visiting for the weekend in March.

Well, I did it a week ago!  Before I left for my lesson, I texted my friend, Edie, and told her I was taking a juggling lesson.  She responded “Did you say juggling?”  “Yep!”  I told her, “I’m meeting a complete stranger in a building I’ve never been to in NYC to learn how to juggle.  I’ll text you when I’m done, so you’ll know I survived the experience.”

I made my way to an acting rehearsal studio Michael had booked for us.  He arrived shortly afterwards and we immediately got underway.  He was adorable, patient and very enthusiastic.  During my 90 minute session, he taught me the fundamentals, corrected my technique and gave me lots of encouragement along with tools to sustain me until I learn to do it myself and/or take another lesson from him.

In the end, I was actually able to make it through seven tosses (I honestly can’t remember the proper lingo).  I just know I set a Kathie World Record!

Before I left, Michael showed me several different things he could do with just the basic juggling balls.  I was, of course, in awe!  My homework was to practice that evening until I got six in a row.   He said when I woke up the next day, it would come more naturally to me.

As I made my way back to my friend Barbara’s apartment in Greenwich Village, I couldn’t wait to get off the subway and try again.  The minute I entered her apartment, I dug my juggling balls out from my purse.  I took a deep breath, tried not to let my mind get in the way, remembered what Michael taught me and . . . I did a rotation of 10, followed by another of 10, followed by several mediocre attempts and then one with 12 in a row!!!!  My lucky number and a new Kathie World Record!!

I excitedly grabbed my iPhone and texted Michael to celebrate my 12 with him AND assured him I would not keep texting him with updates.  I promised I would save my enthusiasm until I could send him a video of me juggling for a sustained period.  He promptly congratulated me and said he looked forward to seeing it!

While there’s no video yet of me juggling masterfully, I do continue to practice with a renewed enthusiasm.  After all, like Michael said, it’s rinse, lather, repeat once you get the basics.  Once my mind and body start trusting and continue tossing the balls when they realize they are actually juggling, I’ll be ready for my video!!!

During the process of learning to juggle, I was reminded that the technique is the same whether I’m juggling balls or living my life:  stay grounded, remember to breathe, keep your shoulders relaxed, be patient and, most importantly, get out of your own way and enjoy the journey.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 . . . Hap-py New Year!

I know, I know.  It’s March not January 1st, however my earlier post mentioned how I will be spending my 50^th year doing things “I have ALWAYS wanted to do.”  While I was not officially 50 years old on New Year’s Eve or Day, it was the start of the 50^th year of my birth and that was enough for me to pursue a lifelong dream.

So . . . I have ALWAYS wanted to (#1) bring in the new year in Times Square.  As a kid growing up in the Midwest, I was mesmerized as I watched the ball drop on Times Square and imagined how exciting it would be to experience it.

This past December I told my husband, Steve, this was the year I was going to make it happen, and I invited him to join me.  He was initially less than enthusiastic until I assured him I had no interest in getting there at Noon and being squished like a sardine in the pie shaped wedge of Times Square.  I just wanted to be close enough at midnight to see the ball drop.

A few weeks later, after much planning, we entered the subway near our friends’ apartment in Greenwich Village.  We got off at 42nd street, popped up to street level and found ourselves looking up at the ball.  It was perched above the crowd dutifully waiting for midnight to arrive.  I snapped a quick picture of us with my iPhone (right) not knowing if I’d have another view like that again that night!

It was 7 PM and we found that, by that time, all the east/west streets were closed between Times Square and 59^th (Central Park South).  We patiently navigated our way through the crowds up 8^th to 59^th, over to 51^st, then down 6^th to access the restaurant we had chosen for its strategic location.  By working together as a team and remaining focused, determined and hopeful, we arrived just in time for our reservation.

Leaving the restaurant around 10 PM, we found ourselves standing at 51^st and 7^th looking down toward Times Square.  I gave Steve a look that said “Please, can we do it!?”  He shrugged and said “Let’s give it a try!”  At that location, we were close enough to feel like we were a part of it without being crowded and feeling claustrophobic.  It was cold without being bitterly cold and sleeting so we got pelted rather than drenched.  We had dressed in anticipation of standing and waiting, so we were comfortable and dry.  Crowds are controlled by keeping them in barricades.  Once you leave, you’re out for good.  So, we entertained ourselves by bonding with our “cell mates” and stayed warm by jumping up and down and huddling together.

At 10:30 PM Steve and I weren’t sure we’d make it until midnight but agreed we’d stay as long as we could hang in there.  At 11 PM we were amazed how quickly an hour passed.  At 11:30 PM we knew we were in it until the end.  As the clock approached midnight and the countdown started, I squealed with delight and jumped around in triumph with arms raised as I counted down with hundreds of thousands of other revelers.  3-2-1 . . . Hap-py New Year!  It is an experience I will remember the rest of my life!

As the music switched to “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra, we were surprised and delighted to hear fireworks going off behind us.  When we looked away from Times Square and up 7^th toward Central Park, we were treated to an amazing fireworks display that lasted at least 15 minutes.  I like to think it was in honor of achieving a lifelong goal!

It was a magical night for another reason.  There was a blue moon on New Year’s Eve.  The blue moon phenomenon occurs when there are two full moons within a month.  We had one on December 2^nd and the second occurred on the 31^st.  A blue moon, which has nothing to do with color, will not happen again on New Year’s Eve until 2028!

One down . . . 49 more “I’ve always wanted to” accomplishments to go!  What have YOU always wanted to do?  How will you make it happen?  I find having a clear vision lays the groundwork for success.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz

Loving Reflections

My heart is overflowing with gratitude.  I spent my 50^th birthday with very dear friends (four couples who have become family to me and my husband, Steve).  One of the couples, Karl and Marilyn, hosted us all.

I asked everyone not to fuss . . . including no presents . . .  I just wanted us to visit and laugh.  So, Marilyn came up with the idea of a “Joke Off.”  Everyone was asked to bring four jokes.   After enjoying a delicious meal, we moved to her family room and the fun began.  My jokes were old-fashioned jokes that dropped like a lead weight.  I must say everyone else brought very funny ones!

Ultimately, we ended up with two finalists.  There were an even number of us voting, and we kept ending up with a tie.  After four rounds of ties, we declared them both winners just before midnight.

Then Steve said, “Oh, Marilyn!  There is a present we forgot to give Kathie.”  She handed me a gift bag, and I could tell by the look on everyone’s  faces that it was a nice not nasty gift.  I reached in the bag and felt a book type item.  In that nanosecond, I thought maybe they had pulled together photos of special times we’ve shared together.

As I pulled the item out of the bag, I saw a beautifully bound book with a picture of me when I was a baby on the cover along with the words “Happy Birthday Kathie!  Loving reflections on your first 50 years.”  I burst out crying.  I had no idea what was in it or exactly who it was from.  I did know, however, that it was a labor of love and I was about to be deeply moved.

I soon found out it was a book Steve and my sister, Joanie, compiled.  It contained memories and birthday wishes from family and friends spanning my entire life.  I handed it to my friends and, with a voice full of emotion, said there was no way I could read it now.

My friend, Edie, mercifully took it from me and read their entries.  I, of course, cried.  Then, Steve began telling me all the people who were contained within it.  Every time he mentioned someone, I would repeat it with disbelief.  “Mom?”  Boo hoo . . . “My Jan?”  Waaa . . . “The Walshes?”, “Betsey?”  “Mosey?”, “Auntie El?”,  “Auntie Dot?”, “Tamara?”, “Burt?”, “Ashley?”, “Amy?” and on it went.   The mention of each name made me cry like a baby!!

When Steve and I got home around 1 AM, we decided to sit up and read it.  While he had initially contacted everyone to request their participation, my sister Joanie compiled the book.  He had not read any of the entries, so he was just as excited.  We sat side by side reading it until 2:30 AM.  I then lay in bed wide awake until 4 AM trying to digest everything.

After a few hours of sleep, I awoke with a huge emotional hangover.  It was truly too much to take in.  I have never felt so loved and appreciated.  I was also overwhelmed by the time and effort Steve and Joanie put into honoring me.

I began thinking about two dear people Steve and I recently lost.  One was Steve’s Uncle Bill and another was a mentor of Steve’s.  Both were kind and decent men.  While I am sad they are no longer with us, I am at peace knowing that each of them knew how much I respected and appreciated them.  You see, I had taken the time along the way to tell each of them specifically how much they meant to me.

On my birthday, I came to understand the significance of this act.  I was now receiving appreciation from special people in my life.  I was also told again and again in their entries how I have a gift for making others feel special.  I guess that day I was reaping what I sow?  Either way, I’m a lucky and very grateful gal!

Take the time today to tell someone how much they mean to you.  Be specific.  Let them know how they have impacted your life.  Also, create awareness around what seeds you are planting on a daily basis and what will sprout in your life in return.

Are you ready to thrive?

Kathie Nitz